There are some mainstream cultural shows or movies that you revisit across the years with a fresh perspective and they just give you a totally contrarian view from the one you had years ago. If you watch them after a long time it's as if you are having an "Aha moment" and you ask yourself why you didn't realise it before! A small example is "Dil Chahta Hai". It's a very well made movie but when I watch it now, all I realize is that the 3 protagonists are basically a bunch of spoilt brats with extremely superficial first-world problems throughout the movie.
A big such "Aha moment" for me was watching "Everybody Loves Raymond". I used to watch this growing up all the time and I used to love it. Then it was just a family sitcom with a bunch of laughs about life as a married couple and an intrusive set of parents. I recently watched the series again and I realized its more of a tragedy than a comedy. The "unhealthily" codependent and dysfunctional family that is portrayed so casually is dark and depressing. Despite the small redeeming acts by Raymond, he's basically an entitled male chauvinist, and a lazy, irresponsible parent to boot. Throughout 9 seasons; episode in and episode out - the comedy created at the expense of basic values like gender equality are mind-boggling. Raymond casually tries to get out of any and all responsibilities as a husband and a parent on the sole premise that he works a 9 to 5 job. It's actually tragic how this is the main theme across 9 seasons! I wonder how this recurrent theme would be received in today's culture.
But an even bigger "Aha moment" was Marie Barone. I remembered her as a meddling mother and a bit of a nuisance. But this time the evil, narcissistic and manipulative traits just jumped out at me! Not having been exposed to such evil (a huge thank you to my parents for that), I did not realise it when I watched this growing up! Today I can positively say that Marie Barone is perhaps matched only by Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter and Col Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds vis-a-vis the sheer depth of evil in an on-screen persona. And I see such personalities in so many families that it's just saddening. In fact, I found a reddit thread titled "Despicable Marie" where users have listed down incidents where Marie comes across as a very hateful personality. And the list is mind-boggling. From sabotaging her son's job interview just so he would stay home and be with her to asking her other son for an apology for an innocent diary entry from 2 decades ago to ruining her son's wedding in order to express her thoughts at the absolute wrong moment. And then I came across a comment on the thread that basically summed it up and hit the nail on the head -
"Marie exhibits all the traits of a pyschopathic Narcissist. Always wanting to get her way. Manipulation by guilt or blackmail. Playing favoritism with her two sons. Not being able to admit shes wrong and even if she apologizes for something she did she finds a way to twist it so she's still putting the blame on someone else. Claiming she the most loving mother ever but it's fake love controlled through manipulation. Never does anything nice unless she can take the credit for it and everybody knows she did it. Everything she does in the show is dispicable. She doesn't love her family because narcissists are incapable of genuine love."
What is sad is that it's couched in comedy and thus normalized as behaviour. And what's even sadder is that you see it everyday in so many families. Guilt-tripping, gaslighting and codependence . . whether mainstream cultural shows like "Everybody Loves Raymond" or for that matter soap operas normalized these traits or whether they were already so mainstream that they were casually portrayed on screen . . the debate is much like the chicken and the egg conundrum. For a long time I got feedback that having such a detached family is a bad thing! Minding our own business and not getting involved in each other's affairs is basically not caring for each other! Today I see that a healthy amount of space for personal privacy and the sacrosanct nature of individual choice (along with owning up to the consequences thereof) really laid the foundation for a self-reliant and self-sufficient emotional range. Today I see the obvious advantages of how I was raised and the environment I grew up in and I cannot be more thankful!
I absolutely love your take on it Virag, because I do have these Aha! moments more often in my 40s now than ever before. I don't know if you could call it normalizing bad behavior. Cinema or TV is usually a reflection of the times that we live in and more so with comedy, I believe it picks up on these sad facets and showcases it. Especially knowing Phil Rosenthal, it is a take on his own experiences growing up in a Jewish family in New York. You could write an op-ed, an editorial, make a hard hitting movie, use it in a stand-up act or make a comedy sit-com all with the same narrative, just the delivery and medium changes.
ReplyDeleteSo basically it's a feedback loop. If mainstream media picks up and showcases these sad facets, I have a suspicion it also amplifies that behaviour in mainstream society too. One feeding the other and both growing larger.
Deleteif you have seen House, MD you will realize a similar pattern. Under the cover of being a misanthrope, Gregory House and his obnoxious behavior is encouraged and supported by his well wishers, despite him going to any and all lengths to sabotage himself and everyone around him who cares for him. But yes, watching House was an Aha! moment for me recently. The same show that I loved a few years ago gives me the creeps now.
ReplyDeleteSoo true. Especially in terms of how sexist his behaviour is on the show. Very inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. In today's day and age he'd be hauled up and fired just for sexual harassment before he got to any controversial medical decisions.
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